you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
