Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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