Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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