I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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