Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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