i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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