At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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