omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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