My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
