What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
