The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
