Dude my mom stole all your condoms
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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