Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
