I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
