watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
