but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
