I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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