I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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