I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
