i may or may not be watching the land before time
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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