Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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