If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
