Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
