So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
