Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
