Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
