i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
