he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
