Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
