My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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