the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
