if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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