I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
