how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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