I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I want to be your penis for a week.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
