Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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