Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
