went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
