Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
