life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
