Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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