If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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