Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
