god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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