FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
