make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize