dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
