I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
