singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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