I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
