Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
