so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
True college students do jello shots in the library
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