I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
