you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
