oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
