He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
