Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize