I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
