Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I just shit out all my problems.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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